This column by internationally recognized author and lecturer, Dale O’Leary, appeared in The Boston Pilot on Friday. She is author of The Gender Agenda and One Man, One Woman: A Catholic’s Guide to Defending Marriage. Cardinal Sean O’Malley described Dale in an August 2008 blog post about a Courage event as “always so good.” Here is an excellent piece by Dale about Catholic Schools that she wrote in May 2010.
This one’s equally excellent. You’ll never hear these words come from Cardinal O’Malley, Bishop Hennessey, Fr. Bryan Hehir, or Fr. John Unni at St. Cecilia’s in Boston, or from John Kelly and the members of the St. Cecilia Rainbow Ministry.
Dale O’Leary, Posted: 7/22/2011
The Church, by which I mean hierarchy, clergy, religious, and laity, must step up and face the challenge posed by the militant gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, and queer activists — the GLBTQ coalition. It is simply not enough to defend marriage; we have to explain to the people in the pews, to our children, and to world why the Church does not — cannot — accept sexual relations between two persons of the same sex. We must do so with love and compassion, but without sacrificing the truth.
First, while many people sincerely believe that individuals are born with same-sex attraction (SSA) and gender identity disorders (GID) and can’t change, there is no replicated scientific evidence to support that belief. There is overwhelming evidence SSA and GID are not genetic or biological conditions. If they were, then identical twins would virtually always have the same pattern of sexual attraction and this is not the case.
That does not mean that SSA and GID are a choice. Nor is there a single explanation for all SSA. Each person with SSA has his or her own unique personal history. A number of therapists are convinced that some babies are born more vulnerable to the anxiety. This vulnerability combined with early negative experiences can affect the babies’ ability to identify with their same-sex parent or peers. The child grows up trying to find the love and acceptance missed as a baby and this need becomes interpreted as sexual desire. Because these negative experiences occur during the first two years of life before memory, GLBTQ persons may honestly say they always felt different and were born that way.
Although persons with GID and SSA have free will and can choose not to act on their feelings, the inner forces driving them to engage in sexual behavior with persons of the same sex are very strong and their struggle and suffering should not be underestimated. There are, however, numerous reports of change of sexual attraction — both spontaneous and through therapy. The more we understand about the origins of SSA, the greater the potential for prevention.
Therapists who work with people who want to be free of SSA and GID have made real progress in understanding the early childhood traumas and deficits which put a person on the path to GID and SSA. I strongly recommend “Shame and Attachment Loss: The Practical Work of Reparative Therapy” by Joseph J. Nicolosi and “The Heart of Female Same-Sex Attraction: A Comprehensive Counseling Resource” by Janelle M. Hallman.
There is growing understanding of the part failure to attach plays in many psychological disorders. According to attachment theory, in order to achieve psychological wholeness a person needs to successfully negotiate several stages in early childhood: attachment to the mother, separation from the mother, identification with the same-sex parent or peers. Failure to negotiate the first stage, makes it more difficult to negotiate the second, and third. While a history of failure to securely attach, separate, and identify probably accounts for many instances of SSA and GID, there are other less common reasons. When the individual histories of persons with SSA and GID are probed, the reasons for their patterns of thought can usually be discerned.
As Catholic Christians we have an obligation to treat every person as a fellow sinner in need of grace. We can thank God that we do not have these particular temptations, while at the same time making sure that therapy, counseling, support groups (like Courage), and understanding priests in the confessional are available. If the problem is never mentioned from the pulpit, if support and counseling are not easily accessible, if the priest in the confessional has no practical direction to offer, those who suffer from such temptations will rightly feel alone and abandoned. They will be tempted by the world which says “Come out. Join the gay community. Be proud.”
When they do so, they will join a community where psychological disorders, suicidal ideation, substance abuse problems, relationship instability, domestic violence, STDS, HIV, cancer and other health problems are far more common. They will cut themselves off from the source of grace and often become angry at God.
Compassion requires that we do not, like the priest and the Levite, pass by the man who fell among thieves, but offer real help.
Dale O’Leary is an internationally recognized lecturer and author of “The Gender Agenda: Redefining Equality.”
# # # #
To Cardinal O’Malley, Bishop Hennessey, Fr. Unni, and Terry Donilon: did you read this? Dale says that the Church–namely you guys–hierarchy, clergy, and laity–must step up and face the challenge posed by the militant gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, and queer activists — the GLBTQ coalition. It’s simply not enough to defend marriage (which we’ve done meekly at best lately)–we have to explain to the people in the pews, to our children, and to world why the Church does not — cannot — accept sexual relations between two persons of the same sex. We must do so with love and compassion, but without sacrificing the truth.
Fr. Roger Landry stepped up with 3 powerful, personally-written columns in the Fall River diocesan newspaper. What exactly have Cardinal O’Malley, Bishop Hennessey, and Fr. Unni done to step up with their own names on it and actions behind it? We got a couple of ambiguously worded, often conflicting statements from the archdiocese, and a barely-noticed piece by the editors of The Boston Pilot, “A teachable moment,” that reprinted excerpts from the USCCB’s 2006 document. But those do nothing to actually address what’s happening at St. Cecilia’s and in other Catholic parishes and schools under the nose or acquiescent eye of our bishops. Fr. Unni has continued to say nothing about Church teachings on sexual morality and chastity for homosexuals. His Rainbow Ministry was thrilled to finally get their Mass, and they’re now off spreading their philosophy that gay youth should “come out” to get “new energy and life” to confused youth at risk at the Waltham House.
We’ll be back with more in the next two posts.
First of all, thank you, Joe, for this valuable blog. It is a ray of hope
I listened to Stephen and Irene Bennett the other night on the Joy Behar show. In the few minutes allotted, they attested that Stephen was able to change, with God’s help, his sexual orientation. Joy had Dr. Drew comment on this. He had a hard time acknowledging that Bennett was for real, so steeped was he in his professional psychological belief that people are born gay. He could only admit that under the most extraordinary and complicated of circumstances might this have happened. It was a pathetic performance, but understandable.
I agree that the Catholic Church needs to be more public in denouncing this great evil that threatens our culture. We must rise to the task of explaining why homosexual sex is wrong and the implications that the acceptance and condoning of it will have on our society. Boston is not the only diocese sending mixed messages with its inept handling and waffling. Immeasurable damage is being done daily by tolerating the actions and statements of dissident priests and bishops. (We have a bishop in the Archdiocese of Detroit who I’ve heard has been silenced but who still goes around spreading heresy.) The message to Catholics is that the Church is not seriously concerned; therefore believe what you want,
It’s hard to understand. The proponents of homosexual sex are not going away. If the clergy is too fearful and incompetent to debate, denounce and explain, they should at least lead all Catholics in prayer to help fight this evil, but they don’t even do this. We should have rosary campaigns and prayer vigils, for example, to help in the fight and give willing warriors like you support in fighting the good fight.
I understand your concern with the lack of clarity in Father Unni’s actions at St. Cecilia’s as he attempts a difficult dance with a large, troubled segment of his parish in desperate need of the Church and their Catholic Faith. However, I sense that he is a compassionate priest who has simply gotten too close to his flock and has lost his own perspective and moorings. This is where it is important for the hierarchy to re-establish the boundaries. I believe that the Cardinal has attempted to this with sensitivity (e.g., rescheduling the Mass away from Gay Pride Week, but not cancelling) while working hard to remain loyal to one of his priests actively ministering in the trenches to a needy population. All of the Cardinal’s official pronouncements on the topic of same-sex relationships, marriage, and chastity appear to me to be entirely consistent with Catholic teaching. He also has
a difficult balancing act of being both shepherd and teacher. I do not think you give the Cardinal enough credit. When an article such as Dale O’Leary’s appears in The Pilot, we can probably rest assured that its appearance was blessed in advance by His Eminence. I will grant you that Fr. Landry’s 3-part series was outstanding and The Pilot would do well to reprint and showcase the series. We can also take heart from the Pope’s appointment of Archbishop Chaput to lead the Philadelphia Archdiocese and from the recent vocal, visible and courageous fight of Archbishop Dolan in a losing battle in New York State against same-sex marriage. I, too, would prefer more fire from Cardinal O’Malley, but I do not doubt his goodwill towards his entire flock, his holiness or his fidelity to the teachings of the Church.
Pat,
“visible and courageous fight of Archbishop Dolan in a losing battle in New York State against same-sex marriage.”
Is that a joke?
The store-front Pentecostal churches in ‘the hood’ did far more than Dolan.
Check out Miami for an update on the ‘visible and courageous’ USCCB fight against militant homosexuals. Guffaw. (can I say militant homosexual?)
His good will to he’s entire flock? Articles in the Pilot?
What ludicrous statements.
In
I applaud the appointment of Archbishop Chaput, too a man of courage and of God, in Philadelphia. I love how Archbishop Dolan is handling his NY assignment and, of course, give thanks for Fr. Landry.
Many on the eastern seaboard think they are smarter than the Church. They dismiss Church teaching, while desperately needing its guidance, a challenge to Church leaders.
I for one will hold my applause. Chaput comes from the land of “Focus on The Family”, lets see how he does when they start calling him a hater in Philly.
The Missionary Society of St.James the Apostle is planning to present an award to Rev. John J. Unni, Pastor of St. Cecilia’s Parish, at its annual dinner/award gathering on October 23 at Boston College High School. Why?
Cardinal O’Malley is ex officio member of the Society’s Board, continuing his inconsistent, baffling behavior with regard to the homosexual lifestyle issue. Our Lord warned, “Do as they say, not as they act.”
Anonymous – re: John Unni’s ‘award’ from St. James.
His Bishop, Bishop Hennessey, the one who was present and accounted for in the Mass when Unni defended his gay sex pride ministry, the one who stood by and did nothing all this time as John Unni now starts recruiting at-risk, sexually confused teenagers into a ministry operated by old promiscuous gay men – he is very influential in St. James.
It pains me to say it, but I am beginning to wonder about what is in the closet of of Bishop Hennessey.
p.s. Can anybody download the bulletins posted at St. Unni’s after the Cardinal-endorsed gay pride mass?
I seem to be having trouble.
Miss O’Leary’s observations are interesting but she has to be a little more careful in her wording. If she is suggesting, even for a moment, that “same-sex attraction” is not a choice then she is trotting down a wrong and dangerous path.
Like any heinous mortal sin, sodomy is indeed chosen. To say that one is born with such proclivities would be akin to saying one is born with murderous or felonious proclivities. It is nonsense. No one is born a mortal sinner. True, we all inherit Original Sin from our first parents but that stain is washed away in Baptism and our soul remains clean until we reach the age of reason, at which time it is up to us to keep it clean. If someone is tempted to commit the unnamable perversion of sodomy, and one can certainly be tempted that way or any other way, it is up to that person, with the help of the Sacraments of Holy Church, to fight that temptation. If one succumbs to the temptation there is always the sacrament of Penance to once again help the soul out of the mire.
So I would advise Miss O’Leary to choose her words more carefully and not to try to suggest that this unspeakable perversion is somehow “grafted” on to someone through no will of their own. To believe that is utter tosh. We are all born, after all, with a free will and when we do evil, we CHOOSE to do evil. We can’t hide in the corder and say, “the Devil made me do it” or “my genes made me do it”. One would be as ridiculous as the other.
Excellent observations, schmenz. SSA is the penalty for having given into this vice. Sin has consequences and can leave you wounded. In the end, such a punishment is the mercy of God who wishes the sinner to be saved. The Good God is saying that it will be necessary for that soul to endure SSA so as to properly purge it of the damage done. A soul that endures it and triumphs will enter Heaven amid rejoicing (Lk 15:7).
In a similar vein (not to compare with SSA, however), God granted me a penalty for having filled my head with 60’s and 70’s Crowleyite rock music. Even 22 years since I quit the noise, whenever I hear a rock tune it echos through my head all day. It’s God’s way of saying, “Call on your Mother today.”
Jerry,
You’ve got it backwards. SSA is what makes people vulnerable to temptation toward that particular vice, not the result of yielding to the temptation. Very few people would commit homosexual acts if they were not already attracted to the same sex.
If “sodomy”, as you call it (I’m assuming you mean anal sex) is the problem, it appears that more heterosexual men and women are “sinning” than homosexual men…
Sodomy is anal RAPE…I’m not sure how much of that is happening between consenting adults…
schmenz,
I think you also need to be a little more careful. Namely, you need to understand that same-sex attraction is not the same as sodomy, any more than heterosexual attraction is the same as fornication. You need to think clearly enough to recognize the distinction.
Whether or not one is born with same-sex attraction — and Dale Leary does not think that one is, nor do I — it is not chosen. Most people find themselves attracted to the opposite sex without ever having consciously chosen to be so. A few find themselves attracted to the same sex, also without having consciously chosen to be so.
You are right, of course, that sinful conduct itself is always a choice, but as I read what she wrote, Ms. Leary does not say what you think she says. She is not saying that people have no choice whether to sin or not. I think she would agree that people are free to choose whether to engage in sin, although she feels that the temptation is not easy to resist. But whether the sin to which one is tempted is sodomy or adultery is not itself a matter of choice.
“To say that one is born with such proclivities (for sodomy) would be akin to saying one is born with murderous or felonious proclivities. It is nonsense.”
Good point, I agree. That’s why we call it unnatural.
The troll is a hoot. Not a word about pervasive porn, classroom sex-ed teaching masturbation, high-school [word changed] gay club recruiting, government-school teachers recruiting and raping kids, college sex parties, and parishes like St. Cecilia’s with “mentors” thirsting for fresh meat. It’s a sordid, deliberate entrapment process that preys on a licentious sexual appetite and/or employs rape and shame. It’s not about boys falling in love with boys.
Jerry,
So you are not going to the after party at the St. James event at BC high?
My Miami friends tell me you may catch a third world gay snuff film if you are lucky.
SSA, GID, GLTQ, HIV…
RUSM?
SIN….get it? SIN
Jerry is a hoot. He uses words like “queer” and “faggot” as he shows the world how much hatred he and this blog have for homosexual persons.
“Professor Seymour Ditz,” You new here? Exactly which lines of which posts do you use as the basis for claiming this blog has “hatred for homosexual persons”? No posts on this blog could or should be intereprested that way. I don’t see the word “faggot” anywhere in comments. Please find another venue for your false accusations and inaccurate comments.
Dear Professor,
Jerry is a hoot! He is your worst nightmare, an honest man.
I think it is a well established Catholic principle that being tempted is a not a sin, giving into the temptation is. Persons with same-sex attraction did not choose this particular temptation. Those who treat men and women struggling with SSA recognize that the initial attractions came unbidden and in most cases unwanted. Those who don’t understand this might find Elizabeth Moberly’s short book “Homosexuality: A New Christian Ethic” helpful. The need for love from the same-sex parent and later same-sex friendships is healthy and legitimate. According to Moberly “…there are certain legitimate psychological needs involved, which ought not to be left unmet. One should neither ignore unmet needs (the conservatives’ mistake), nor eroticise them (the liberals’ mistake).”
Vatican Cardinal: Divine judgment will fall on priests who do not oppose abortion, homosexuality
Wow. How’d the Vatican let this one slip through?
damage control for the Miami piece
http://gawker.com/5825254/the-catholic-churchs-secret-gay-cabal
Professor: We reserve our contempt for mortal sin, not persons, and we hold fast to our love for all. We will not succumb to accusations of hate.
St. Justin died a martyr’s death in 150 A. D. He is writing to a pagan who was hostile to Christianity. Says Justin, “To all our persecutors we say: ‘you are our brethren; apprehend not us but rather the truth of God.’ But when neither you nor they will listen to us, what you do only in your power will force us to deny Christ; we resist you and prefer to endure death, confident that God will give us all the blessings which He promised through Christ.”
When I converted to RC ten years ago, never could I have dreamt of the changes the One True Church would bring into my life–the pearl of great price for which I am compelled to sacrifice everything in order to obtain…friendships, family relationships, strains on my mixed marriage, employment, public scorn… God’s Kingdom, not Ceasar’s, is what ALL Christians (not JUST RC’s), must seek. I’m pretty sure that I don’t have this pearl, yet; but, I can tell you that I wake up each day ready to look for it.
If we are given, and continue to follow, a good catechesis, we grow in the revelations of the Church’s teachings–God’s Truth. In my humble opinion, language, rhetoric, and communication are the ways by which we mortals can approach the challenge of understanding God’s Plan for us–BHE’d provides such an avenue.
Having said that, I do see many types of rhetorical devices on this blog. Credible evidence, analysis, and personal opinion are all helpful to me in forming judgements–about myself; about the issues; etc. Although I understand folks’ feelings and respect all these, I don’t understand that “judging” should often be connoted as perjorative. Yes, name-calling, as an example, is not intellecually helpful and has a chilling effect on any speech. If and when commentators signify their judgements or a judgement, I have a hard time taking a constructive point to their argument
…sorry…blew it again….! Shawn Adams, here, and I’m NOT Anonymous!
…if the argument has an ad hominem ring to it. This is distracting and is hardly persuasive to the person–me–who may be open to persuasion.
Agree with Ryan
Soon the the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church will be declared “hate speech” and we will all be in jail for daring to proclaim the His holy name.
Be careful what you hope for.
My nephew uses derogatory, ssa, “tags” to refer to himself and friends on Facebook. That’s one of the reasons I’m no longer on Facebook. I’m horrified at the kind of beyond-radical reductionism that cuts a human into body parts and 2-D cut-outs a la B-horror movies. This is the kind of language being used–it’s no secret. It’s bandied about as cool and acceptable. I am NOT a prude–my dad worked on Bourbon St. as a musician for years. Unfortunately, I saw a lot from a young age into early adulthood. I don’t want to compare battle scars, but I remain firm in my respect for this blog. If you think this blog is a slippery slope of bigotry and prejudice–you are dead wrong.
It’s significant, IMO, that vituperative name-calling and outrageous denunciations of our bishop are tolerated, but when I try calmly to question some of the conclusions some people reach, Joe’s patience wears thin, even though some of my questions have actually persuaded Joe to make changes to the petitions he has written. IOW my impression is that there is much more latitude for vitriol in ostensible support of Joe’s position than there is for reasoned opposition. It seems to me that the spirit and tone of a lot of comments does not match the spirit and tone of the CDF’s 1986 “LETTER TO THE BISHOPS OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH ON THE PASTORAL CARE OF HOMOSEXUAL PERSONS.” It is very easy to inflame anger. It is not so easy to encourage calm and nuanced reflection.
naturgesetz, my patience wears thin with you because you keep repeating the same drumbeat over and over defending Fr. Unni and Cardinal O’Malley when the objective evidence contradicts you. Then I’m spending a considerable amount of time refuting what you’ve said because you’re misleading people.
For example, you said not long ago, “All I’m saying is that IMO a pastor such as Fr. Unni could be handling the situation in a pastorally prudent manner without restating familiar doctrine from the pulpit.”
We know he’s not preaching or publishing Catholic doctrine on sexual morality and chastity for homosexuals from the pulpit or in his bulletin. That is the problem. Fr. Roger Landry called what’s happening there “pastoral malpractice.” Your comments like this that continue to defend Fr. Unni are just so far out of line that I have to go and correct over and over again are what makes my patience wear thin.
You also said, “I agree that speakers in favor of same-sex “marriage” should not be hosted at a Catholic church (unless, perhaps, it is the context of a forum or debate in which the Catholic doctrine on marriage is also clearly presented).” Once again, I and others had to say this should never be permitted as there should actually be NO FORUM in a Catholic church forum for airing positions in favor of gay marriage and then, by the way, here is the Catholic teaching as well).
If people continue abusing comments by posting under multiple names (not an accusation against you–but relevant to others) or making it necessary for me to intervene all the time, we may have to just turn off comments.
I’ve removed recent comments by the individual(s) posting as “Professor Seymour Ditz”, “Rick Santer,” and “Ryan” as I’ve got good reason to believe they’re all the same person posting under different names.
If you’d like to post anonymously, that’s fine, but post under one name and one name only.This sort of practice and attempt to manipulate the discussion here won’t be tolerated and anyone who continues doing this will have their comments blocked as spam or removed.
Don’t come back now and complain pubicly about how I’m moderating comments selectively. I’ve seen that before and there’s a trend in who consistently comes back complaining about their comments being moderated.
Whoever you are that’s trying to manipulate the discussion here by posting under different names, please CUT IT OUT IMMEDIATELY!!
I think the column by Dale O’Leary is excellent! Her comment here was most valuable:
“being tempted is a not a sin, giving into the temptation is. Persons with same-sex attraction did not choose this particular temptation. Those who treat men and women struggling with SSA recognize that the initial attractions came unbidden and in most cases unwanted. …there are certain legitimate psychological needs involved, which ought not to be left unmet. One should neither ignore unmet needs (the conservatives’ mistake), nor eroticise them (the liberals’ mistake).”
I think both sides as Dale mentions need to understand this. If we understand and accept this as the reality, then it’s easier to have an objective rational discourse.
With all due respect to those men and women who have same-sex attractions or struggle with them, I don’t see at all where the content of the blog posts here spew what is described as “hatred” at all; frankly, they are rather objective.
Some of the comments though would benefit from a more even-keeled tone and from moderation by Joe.
My last comment is that although I wouldn’t use the word “queer” myself, the TV reality show of a few years ago, “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” used the word “queer” and no one from the gay rights/advocacy organizations objected to use of the word. I don’t see where using that word constitutes “hatred,” though again, it wouldn’t be my personal way of saying this.
Actually, there are plenty of gay people who object to the use of the word Queer, particularly if it’s used by non-gay people, but even if it is used by other gay people. There was a narrow fad of trying to “re-appropriate” a “term of oppression” that did not take widely. The title of that series, however, comes from a British expression (the original series was British) that has nothing to do with sexuality, and so was a pun, that’s why there was no big objection in that case.
See: lifesitenews.com/home/print_article/news/31170/. Thank God for Cardinal Sarah. At last some one in the hierarchy is addressing head-on what needs to be said plainly, clearly and boldly. To those who will spin this as hate speech or ridicule it as uninformed, it is not. It is simply the truth with which the Holy Spirit has blessed the Church. The Cardinal is speaking out of love for homosexuals and all mankind. He is obediently proclaiming what God asks of all of us.
Anonymous and others,
I’ve asked people in the past to not use the derogatory slangs. From this point forward, any comment that uses derogatory slang terms will be automatically blocked or moderated.
Evil lurks in the heart of man, and anonymity tends to bring it out. Internet flamers would never say the jagged things they do if they had to sign their names.
GARRISON KEILLOR, “Renouncing Evil Powers and Anonymity,” A Prairie Home Companion, Jan. 12, 2010